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I play it every week! Sometimes twice a week! I even buy scratch card on the off chance I might win!

Admitted my friend. So why play it? 

I enjoy having a flutter. The thought of winning puts me on a high especially when I come close.

My heart races, my legs shake and I’m suddenly overcome by crippling fear.

The chances of winning are a long shot but that doesn’t bother me, what worries me is knowing that I will have to change if I win.  I won’t be able to hide behind the excuses of not having enough money to do the things I’ve always dreamt of.

Like what?

Take a trip around the world; Buy a new house; a car; give presents to friends and family; take care of myself the way in which I have never done before.

Why would these things be difficult to do?

Because it would mean changing most things about myself as I know me now.  E.g. I would have to be very decisive, something I recognise I’m not. Okay, let’s take the idea of buying a new house – it would mean moving,  moving in the sense of going away from all the things and people that I’ve become comfortable around.  Deciding where exactly I would like to live? That mere thought is so overwhelming because I love many places… so, how do I whittle it down to one?

The taking care of me, I’m not use to that. It has always been me taking care of others, helping them get the best out of their life. Where would I start with me? There has always been an excuse not to do me… a partner, children, work. Everything and everyone demands me doing them not the other way around.

And of course we can’t forget the fear of losing it all! What if I one day I woke up broke again?  With the smartest of investments, whatever the choice something can still go wrong and land me back to square one!

So what would the easiest thing for you to do if you won?

Without a question of a doubt give to charity… I have a few favourite causes so I’ve always wanted to give more to!

What are you secretly frighten of and why?